Holiday Tunes, Year 13 (But Who’s Counting?)

December 24, 2012 @ admin → No Comments

Back by popular demand (as always, the demand is to do this only once a year), it’s the 13th annual version of Holiday Tunes. The first 11 editions came as part of the Chicago Sun-Times Quick Hits column that I once wrote. For those who prefer, feel free to think of this as the second annual elliottharris.com “Songs of the Season” or whatever you’d like to call it.

Yes, this is a wreath of Franklins.

Because Christmas once again falls on Dec. 25 this year, the editorial staff at elliottharris.com thought (which is something of a rarity, no?) today would be as good as any to run some merry melodies. By doing so, you will have them for Christmas Eve gatherings, Christmas Day gatherings, (yes, a little late for Chanukah, which came early this year), etc. Once upon a time, the printed newspaper version also was suitable for holiday gift wrap. In a way, this is an environmentally more friendly form of delivery.

So without further adieu, happy holidays (any and all) to you:

A WAY TO THE PLAYOFFS
(Sung to “Away in the Manger” by the members of the Bears organization)

A way to the playoffs, there is only one.
Any other outcomes and our season’s done
First we must defeat Detroit to start the day,
Then the Vikings must lose later to Green Bay.

We’ll be Packer backers next Sunday this once
To root otherwise, you’d have to be a dunce.
Hope for the Packers to win at home — oh, my!
After all, they’re playing for a first-round bye.

Without any question, next Sunday’s the day
And holding out hope that Matt Forte can play.
If not, odds against us just might be immense
But we can rely on our superb defense.

***

I’M DREAMING OF A BULLS CHRISTMAS
(to “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas” by a United Center 300-level chorus of fans)

Some random visual aids for those needing something other than text. Here is Max Wasa wishing all a happy new year, etc.

I’m dreaming of a Bulls Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know;
When the Bulls had MJ
To feature that day
They sure put on quite a show.

I’m dreaming of a Bulls Christmas
With memories of such delight,
The fans’ hopes soaring like a kite
And of Michael taking off in flight.

I’m dreaming of a Bulls Christmas
Not like the one we have this year,
Facing Houston at night
No D-Rose in sight.
We hope his return is near.

I’m dreaming of a Bulls Christmas
Perhaps next season he’ll be right
May his games have many highlights
For now we’ll settle for a good night.

***

NOTRE DAME IS RANKED NUMBER 1
(to “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town” by Notre Dame glee club)

This is Michele Leigh.

You better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I’m telling you why
Notre Dame is ranked number 1.

The Irish next play
A fabled foe
Up against Alabama they’ll go
To see who will be number 1.

Irish have Manti T’eo.
A linebacker supreme;
Tide has stud QB McCarron
This matchup looks like a dream.

Unbeaten ND
And once-beaten Tide
Jan. 6 sure should be
Quite an action-packed ride
In the battle for number 1.

With Golson QB,
There’s one thing you know:
Set for Miami,
Coach Kelly has plenty of “O”
In the battle for number 1.

***

I’LL BE BACK NEXT SUNDAY
(to “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” by Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher)

I’ll be back next Sunday,
You can count on me.
I’m OK, so I can play
With Briggs alongside me.

You can say I’m aging
With diminished skills.
But when I make a tackle
It has to provide thrills.

I’ll be back next Sunday,
You can count on me,
I’m OK, so I can play
With Lance alongside me.

Next year no doubt finds me
Part of Lovie’s schemes.
We’ll be back next season
If only in our dreams.

***

THEO’S THE MAN
(to “Joy to the World” by a chorus of Cubs faithful – a diminishing flock, if ever there was one)

Mindy Karuk’s attire does have seasonal color, don’t you think?

Theo’s the man, he has a plan;
Just let him do his thing;
101 losses is OK with his bosses.
Much to most Cubs fans’ chagrin.
Much to most Cubs fans’ chagrin
When, oh, when will they ever win?

Joy to the Cubs? Are they this dumb?
Theo can build a team?
Indeed Anthony Rizzo
Is surely a true whiz, oh!
What about front-line pitching
What about front-line pitching?
The true cause of our bitching.

***

“LET IT GO”
(to “Let It Snow” by White Sox management)

Oh, his defense simply was frightful
Though his bat was sure delightful
Said those of us in the know:
Let him go! Let him go! Let him go!

His homers were quite delicious
Although just a bit suspicious
But have you seen him throw?
Let him go! Let him go! Let him go!

Guessing the Rangers signed A.J.
To DH and back up Soto.
Maybe Texas thinks he can play
Let him go! Let him go! Let him go

We like our Tyler Flowers
Even lacking A.J.’s power.
Ty’s talents will only grow
This is so why we let A.J. go!

***

OH, NHL
(to “O Tanenbaum” by a chorus of disgruntled – is there any other type? – of Blackhawks and other NHL fans)

Shannon Hart does add some vitality to this page.

A mystery, a mystery
Your lockout sure is yucky
A mystery, a mystery
You really are quite schmucky.
You play your stupid labor games
And give us nothing more than pain.
Oh, NHL; oh, NHL!
Of you all, we don’t think well.

A mystery, a mystery
Why you’d kill a season.
A mystery, a mystery
Why you lack any reason.
The owners’ greed is sad to see,
A cause of so much misery.
Oh, NHL; oh, NHL!
Of you all, we don’t think well.

A mystery, a mystery
Why you cannot settle
A mystery, a mystery
Something about your mettle?
The heartache that you’ve truly caused
To faithful fans while play is paused
Oh, NHL; oh, NHL!
Of you all, we don’t think well.

***

JAY’LL BE JUST FINE
(to “Auld Lang Syne” by Bears coach Lovie Smith)

Should old playbook calls be forgot
And Brandon thrown to blind?
Should old teammates’ names be forgot,
Jay’ll be just fine.

Jay’ll be just fine, my dear,
He’ll be just fine.
A bit concussed; yes, his hair mussed,
Jay’ll be just fine.

***

WAIT’LL
(The ever-popular classic, to ”Dreidel” by a Chicagoland chorus of pro sports teams’ fans)

We preach a little wait’ll,
Whenever our teams play;
And when they’re good and ready,
Then ”wait’ll,” we won’t say.
Wait’ll, wait’ll, wait’ll
Oh ”wait’ll’,’ we must say;
Wait’ll, wait’ll, wait’ll,
Next year is on the way.

***

Of course, we have to include some holiday song videos (with more anticipated to be included in the Dec. 25 edition).